playing deadprepare for an aching
last cut: ??
last burned: ??
wanna look like the dude on that atlas sound album cover, no face and concave chest, no extra bullshit, i want to take up as little space as possible iw an t to have a flat fucking chest and then i want to DIE
oh gods help me, amy the stars protet me, i wan tot fucking obliterate my entire fucking body. i want to desecrate it, iw ant to slit my arms to ribbons, i want to create perfect cross hatching
those on my thighs be kept perfectly in line, yes, but chaos on my arms, i want to burn so much of me, i want to burn so much of me, i want to rip holes in myslf with embers and self hatred, self contempt, release
its midnight i meant to go to bed an hour ago, i was content an hour ago, i felt pretty good an hour ago, i want to slit my throat and, and
i want to hang myslf publically and slit my own throat before the char dropps so i just. bleed out and then SNAP and ill just. hang there, just handg there, fuck my useless body ill probably blow the fuck up on twitter. ‘this poor girl’
'she was so beautiful'
iw anna cut so cmuh i wanna cut i wanna cut i wanntca cut i want to cut
wehn ur checking to see if a url is taken and it is and sjits jsut a shit load of self harm and suicide imagery
coolc oolcolcol cool cool cool. i wanna cut
all ym teachers prbably thin im jsut getting laxzy bty im a senior and dont. care or want to do work abnymore, so im just Not
btu im actyuall. just trying not to have a breakdonw, all the fuckign time and. ?? someitmes my brain wil sjut Stop Workignand i literally cant do the work, or i wont be able to read for a period f itme and cant concentrate, or i will get. Dangerous to myslf and i need to focus on staying safe and nnot. and staying sidtracted, and im failing classes, im failing an art class cb i dont haevtn the time or energy to work on. pieces, even things i am. passionate abot, i jsut CANT, and im gonna flunk out of the antional hart honor soceity. ive been in it for liek two and a half eayrs and im gonna flunk out right before graduationa dnn ill probabyl get ym application rescinded
i probaly. wont be able to go to new patlz bc im ffaiyling at everyhitng and i cant DO anyhitng, ic ant do NAYTHING, and ill probably. theyll send me a letter saying i cant go and. andadn
i cnat handle that?? i need to get away from ehre and. i need. to be, i need to elave and i dont want to gekkep oding this i need treatment i can t keep doign this by yslf i cant. i cant evern do my homework
more than half the time how am i suposed to. deal with, intrusive thoguht and delusions and depression adn, a massve panic disorder, by myslf how am i. if i dont get treamtent i will be dead by the end of the year, i alreayd know this im sure im fine with this btu ir eakly really need treatemnt i shoudl probably be on at elast one medication i cant do this btu i dont. want to ask bfc im alreayd costing this family a fortune adn we dont ahve the moneya dn
i ned to finish a book so i can. be rady for an eassy i have to write on it friday, which im making up bc i misse dhte actual in class essay bc i meissed school yesteday bc i overslept and was too anxiosu to ask for a ride ort aekthe later bus adn
i need to calm down and do Safe Things but i litearly, cant afford to do that, i sjut want this dot be over im sjtu. i cna t do this anymroe ic ant do this anymroe ic ant do this anymroe !!!!!
having weird body tingles + spasms, cool, cool, cool, i lvoe when this happens, i sure hope my limbs start freaking out uncontrollably soon!! i love whne that happens, i really hpoe i loos all fine motor control i fucking love that im so glad im alive right nwo im so fuckking glad im me
needless to say my blog ghosting isnt why i wanna kill myslf
i want to ill myslf every day. logically, it would have happened on a day i wanted to kill myslf no matter what
6-7 months of personal history erased in seconds
seconds. probably two, three hundred posts that DONT EXIST ANYMORE. my dog dying; dozens and dozens and dozens of cuts, burns, and bruises; every night ive ever wanted to kill myslf (every night); countless horrific intrusive thoughts and nightmares and waking nightmares. all gone
all inaccessible, like they never mattered, only i still have the scars
how am i to believe i couldnt be erased that quick, too? how long would it take for me to unexist?? i wanna slit my wrists. i wanna take like 80 pills, ram a gun down my throat, tie a noose around my neck with a brick on one side and plunge myself off a goddamn bridge
drowning would be nice, i think. nice until my instincts kick in, i swim down instead of up
or even worse, up instead of down
but i missed school today and its not like i can miss two days in a row, right?
but maybe ill just never wake up